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The 88 decisions that must be made when someone dies

When someone dies, there are at least 88 decisions and action steps that need to be handled by survivors. Many of the decisions can be made in advance, which is why making prearranged funeral or cremation plans can be so helpful.

Gathering Information  The first set of tasks involves gathering basic information known as vital statistics. This information is needed for burial and cremation permits, and filing the death certificate with the State. A death certificate must be issued before matters of an estate can be handled. This information needs to be carefully verified and provided to the funeral home, who will submit the information to the State and secure the death certificates for you.

Notifications  You will want to notify a number of people as soon as possible when a loved one dies, including relatives, doctors, the funeral home and cemetery, your loved one’s friends, employer, and professionals like their insurance agent, attorney and accountant or executor of the estate. Additionally, it is good to notify any organizations they belonged to, and if you can access their social media accounts, you may put out a message there as well. Having these individuals and organization written down in one place ahead of time makes this project much easier.

Funeral Arrangements  After you select a funeral home, there will be many decisions to make concerning services and memorials. This includes the location and time of the visitation and ceremony, and the order and components of the service, including those who will speak or perform, special music or readings, flowers, military funeral honors, etc. You will also select merchandise such as a casket, urn or vault. The funeral director will help you write an obituary about your loved one’s life for the newspaper and/or sharing online. Additionally, you can select a charitable organization to receive memorial donations in your loved one’s memory. Cemetery arrangements will also need to be made concerning burial or inurnment.

Hospitality  If you have family members and friends traveling in for the services, there will be a number of things to coordinate with them, including lodging, transportation, meals and childcare. You will no doubt receive many phone calls, cards and social media messages of support, so you will want to keep track of these and respond when you are able.

On the day of the visitation and services, you will meet with the funeral home staff to ensure that everything is ready and then receive your guests. After services conclude, you may have additional hospitality activities related to family and friends who have gathered.

Financial Matters  There will be financial matters to settle with the funeral home, cemetery (if applicable) and others who assist with the services, including officiants, musicians, florists and caterers. In addition, your loved one may have mortgage payments, auto loans, phone and utility bills, healthcare expenses and other financial matters to settle, which can take some time. You will need to collect additional documents, noted below, to establish your right to make decisions related to property and benefits.

If this all sounds overwhelming, it definitely can be. That is why we recommend planning out as much in advance as possible. You don’t have to wait until you are elderly or ill to make these plans – it is really never too early to get started. Once you get the basics established, it is simple to update your information when life circumstances or your preferences change.

Below is the full list of the 88 Decisions that must be made when someone dies. As we mentioned, many of these matters can be handled in advance, and you will find these noted with an asterisk. Please give us a call today to see how we can help you create an advance funeral or cremation plan. Funding options are available, or you can simply make a written record of your wishes. We are always here to help.

I. Secure Vital Statistics (Required for burial permit)

*1. ____Name, home address and telephone number

*2. ____How long in state

*3. ____Name of business, address and telephone number

*4. ____Occupation and title

*5. ____Social Security number

*6. ____War Veterans Serial number

*7. ____Date of Birth

*8. ____Place of Birth

*9. ____Citizenship

*10. ____Father’s name

*11. ____Father’s birthplace

*12. ____Mother’s maiden name

*13. ____Mother’s birthplace

*14. ____Religious name (if any)


II. Pay Some or All of the Following

*15. ____Family burial estate

*16. ____Memorials

*17. ____Funeral home

*18. ____Interment service

 19. ____Clergy

 20. ____Florist

 21. ____Clothing

 22. ____Transportation

 23. ____Telephone bill

 24. ____Food

 25. ____Doctors’ bills

 26. ____Home healthcare bills

 27. ____Hospital and ambulance bills

 28. ____Medicine and drug bills

 29. ____Other current and urgent bills (mortgage or rent, taxes, installment payments)


III. Collect Documents (Required to establish rights for insurance, pensions, social security, ownership, relationship, etc.)

*30. ____Will

*31. ____Legal proof of age or birth certificate

*32. ____Social Security card or number

*33. ____Marriage license

*34. ____Citizenship papers

*35. ____Insurance policies (life, health and accident, property)

*36. ____Bank books

*37. ____Deeds to property

*38. ____Bill of sale of car

*39. ____Income tax returns, receipts or canceled checks

*40. ____Veterans discharge certificate

*41. ____Disability claims

*42. ____Cemetery Certificate of Ownership


IV. Decisions and Arrangements

*43. ____Select funeral home

*44. ____Choose funeral service and burial/cremation options

*45. ____Select burial estate location and which space to open

*46. ____Choose memorial type and inscription

*47. ____Select casket and/or urn type

*48. ____Select clothing for deceased

*49. ____Choose vault or sectional crypt

*50. ____Select type of service (religious, military, fraternal)

*51. ____Choose special selection from scriptures

 52. ____Select clergy to officiate

*53. ____Select place where service is to be held

 54. ____Select time for funeral service

*55. ____Decide charitable organization to which donations are suggested in memory of deceased

 56. ____Provide information for eulogy

*57. ____Select pallbearers

 58. ____Select flowers

*59. ____Select music

 60. ____Choose clothing for family

 61. ____Prepare at home, including food for family and guests

 62. ____Obtain extra chairs

 63. ____Arrange transportation for family and guests, including planning funeral car list

 64. ____Check and sign necessary papers for burial permit

*65. ____Provide vital statistics about deceased to funeral home

*66. ____Provide addresses and telephone numbers for relatives and friends

 67. ____Answer innumerable sympathetic phone calls, messages, cards and letters

 68. ____Meet and talk with funeral director, cemetery representative and clergy

 69. ____Greet all friends and relatives who call

 70. ____Arrange for meeting relatives who arrive from out-of-town at airport

 71. ____Provide lodging for out-of-town relatives and friends

 72. ____Make list of callers and floral tributes sent for mailing cards of thanks

*73. ____Arrange for special religious services

*74. ____Check will regarding special wishes

 75. ____Order death certificate

 76. ____Look after children


V. Notify As Soon As Possible

 77. ____Doctor or doctors

 78. ____Funeral home

 79. ____Cemetery

 80. ____All relatives

 81. ____All friends

 82. ____Employer of deceased

 83. ____Employers of family members missing work

 84. ____Pallbearers

 85. ____Insurance agents (life, health and accident)

 86. ____Religious, fraternal, civic, veterans organizations, unions and deceased’s social media accounts

 87. ____Newspapers regarding notices

 88. ____Attorney, accountant or executor of estate

A young girl is sitting on the floor leaning against a wall in a hallway.

Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students

03 Sep, 2024
Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, including students. When a student is grieving, the impact can be far-reaching, influencing not only their emotional well-being but also their academic performance, social interactions, and overall sense of security. As educators, it is crucial to recognize the signs of grief and to provide a supportive environment where students can navigate their emotions in a healthy way. Understanding Grief in Students Grief can stem from various sources—loss of a family member, friend, pet, or even the upheaval of a major life change like divorce or relocation. Each student will process grief differently based on their age, personality, and the nature of the loss. Common emotional reactions include sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, and even guilt. Physically, students might experience fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite. Academically, grief can lead to difficulty concentrating, a decline in grades, or a lack of interest in school activities. Grieving students might also exhibit behavioral changes such as withdrawal from social interactions, irritability, or increased dependency on adults. Understanding these varied responses is the first step in providing the appropriate support. Creating a Supportive Classroom Environment Foster Open Communication Encourage students to express their feelings by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or confused and that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they need to. Use age-appropriate language to discuss grief and loss openly, which can help normalize these experiences. Offer Flexibility Grieving students may need time to process their emotions, which can make it challenging to meet deadlines or stay focused on assignments. Provide flexibility with homework, tests, and participation. Offer extensions or alternative assignments that are less demanding. This flexibility can ease the pressure on the student while allowing them to stay engaged in their education at their own pace. Incorporate Grief Resources Introduce grief-related books, activities, or discussions in the classroom that are appropriate for the age group. This can help students who are grieving feel understood and supported. It can also educate their peers about empathy and the impact of loss, fostering a more compassionate classroom community. Be Mindful of Triggers Certain activities, holidays, or topics may act as triggers for grieving students. Be sensitive to these potential triggers and offer alternatives or modifications when necessary. For example, if a class project involves creating a family tree, provide an option that allows the student to participate without causing distress. Encourage Peer Support Encourage students to support their grieving peers in positive ways. This could involve creating a buddy system, where a classmate checks in with the grieving student, or facilitating group activities that promote teamwork and empathy. Peer support can be incredibly powerful in helping students feel less alone in their grief. Maintain Routine with Compassion While it's important to be flexible, maintaining a routine can provide grieving students with a sense of normalcy and stability during a turbulent time. However, this should be balanced with compassion—understanding that the student may need to step away or take breaks when emotions become overwhelming. Grief is a challenging journey for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for students who are still developing emotionally and cognitively. As educators, you play a pivotal role in supporting grieving students by creating a compassionate and flexible environment that acknowledges their pain while encouraging their continued growth. By fostering open communication, offering flexibility, and collaborating with school counselors, you can help grieving students navigate their emotions and find a sense of normalcy in the classroom. Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to cope with loss and continue their educational journey.

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TED Talks about death and grief

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