Logo

Managing survivor guilt

When dealing with a great loss, individuals may experience a range of emotions. Sadness is an obvious and common one, but we may also have feelings of anger or even relief. When we feel that the loss of a loved one is unfair or we have witnessed a large tragedy, one of our most palpable emotions may be guilt -- the guilt of surviving while another has perished. 

This reaction, generally referred to as “Survivor Guilt,” manifests in questions such as “Why them?” and “Why not me instead?” We may have trouble wrapping our heads around why a person was taken from us too soon and even more trouble understanding why we didn’t suffer the same fate.

It’s a very natural, very human reaction to tragedy. Our ability to empathize with the struggles of others often leads us to question why bad things happen to good people or why life doesn’t have more of a regard for fairness. The important thing to recognize is that, as is true with any feeling associated with grief, you can work through Survivor Guilt with time, the right tools, and sometimes a little bit of help.

If you’re experiencing strong feelings of guilt following a large tragedy or loss, consider looking into some of these strategies:

  • Find somebody to talk to ... anybody from a professional counselor to another “Survivor” like you. Having an outlet for expressing your feelings can help you talk through them and realize that what you’re experiencing is normal.
  • Take your time healing. Managing grief can be a lengthy process, and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself if you don’t feel better right away. Be patient with yourself.
  • Try your best to remind yourself often that your survival is not a bad thing for you or for anybody else. Your friends and family are happy that you’re still here, even if they’re sad that others are gone.
  • Pay tribute to the person or people who have passed. Put together a simple memorial service or even create a scrapbook that memorializes their lives. Activities like these may help you feel like you’ve done your part in recognizing the positive impact those you’ve lost have had on you and on the world.
  • Take good care of yourself. When you’re grieving, it can be all too easy to slip into unhealthy habits. Focus as much of your energy as possible on sticking to a healthy daily routine, eating right, and exercising.

The Center for Loss and Life Transition is one of our favorite resources for strategies related to grief. Take a look at the website for additional tips to help get you through difficult times.

A young girl is sitting on the floor leaning against a wall in a hallway.
03 Sep, 2024
Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, including students. When a student is grieving, the impact can be far-reaching, influencing not only their emotional well-being but also their academic performance, social interactions, and overall sense of security. As educators, it is crucial to recognize the signs of grief and to provide a supportive environment where students can navigate their emotions in a healthy way. Understanding Grief in Students Grief can stem from various sources—loss of a family member, friend, pet, or even the upheaval of a major life change like divorce or relocation. Each student will process grief differently based on their age, personality, and the nature of the loss. Common emotional reactions include sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, and even guilt. Physically, students might experience fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite. Academically, grief can lead to difficulty concentrating, a decline in grades, or a lack of interest in school activities. Grieving students might also exhibit behavioral changes such as withdrawal from social interactions, irritability, or increased dependency on adults. Understanding these varied responses is the first step in providing the appropriate support. Creating a Supportive Classroom Environment Foster Open Communication Encourage students to express their feelings by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or confused and that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they need to. Use age-appropriate language to discuss grief and loss openly, which can help normalize these experiences. Offer Flexibility Grieving students may need time to process their emotions, which can make it challenging to meet deadlines or stay focused on assignments. Provide flexibility with homework, tests, and participation. Offer extensions or alternative assignments that are less demanding. This flexibility can ease the pressure on the student while allowing them to stay engaged in their education at their own pace. Incorporate Grief Resources Introduce grief-related books, activities, or discussions in the classroom that are appropriate for the age group. This can help students who are grieving feel understood and supported. It can also educate their peers about empathy and the impact of loss, fostering a more compassionate classroom community. Be Mindful of Triggers Certain activities, holidays, or topics may act as triggers for grieving students. Be sensitive to these potential triggers and offer alternatives or modifications when necessary. For example, if a class project involves creating a family tree, provide an option that allows the student to participate without causing distress. Encourage Peer Support Encourage students to support their grieving peers in positive ways. This could involve creating a buddy system, where a classmate checks in with the grieving student, or facilitating group activities that promote teamwork and empathy. Peer support can be incredibly powerful in helping students feel less alone in their grief. Maintain Routine with Compassion While it's important to be flexible, maintaining a routine can provide grieving students with a sense of normalcy and stability during a turbulent time. However, this should be balanced with compassion—understanding that the student may need to step away or take breaks when emotions become overwhelming. Grief is a challenging journey for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for students who are still developing emotionally and cognitively. As educators, you play a pivotal role in supporting grieving students by creating a compassionate and flexible environment that acknowledges their pain while encouraging their continued growth. By fostering open communication, offering flexibility, and collaborating with school counselors, you can help grieving students navigate their emotions and find a sense of normalcy in the classroom. Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to cope with loss and continue their educational journey.
19 Aug, 2024
Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.
A man is giving a presentation to a group of people sitting in chairs.
05 Aug, 2024
The subjects of loss and grief are worthy of deep discussion. As thinking, feeling beings, we’re aware of the inevitability of losing something or somebody we love. But internalizing that knowledge and really accepting that grief will be a part of our lives is a challenge. Thinking about the end of our own lives is an even greater challenge. Rather than write about these subjects this week, we’d like to share with you some TED Talk videos that have inspired us to think about death and loss in new ways and begin to understand the necessity of grieving. We hope you find inspiration here, too. Peter Saul - Let’s talk about dying Saul makes a fantastic case for thinking about, discussing, and taking ownership of the end of your life. As an intensive-care doctor who has witnessed the last moments of hundreds of patients, his message urges us to “occupy death,” and make the tough decisions about where and how we want to die. Dr. Geoff Warburton - The Adventure of grief Warburton, a psychologist and author, speaks to the idea that feelings of grief can be embraced as part of the adventure of living. He insists that our deepest, darkest emotions must be felt deeply in order to access the full range of emotions that make life worth living. Amanda Bennett - We need a heroic narrative for death By recounting the story of her husband’s death, Bennett explains how humans can reach a point of unwavering hope – which can also be considered denial – when a loved one is ill. Because death is so often seen as defeat, she makes a case for lifting up death as heroic and reflective of the glory and beauty of life. Alison Killing - There’s a better way to die, and architecture can help “Where we die is a key part of how we die.” Alison Killing approaches the subject of death from a unique perspective, examining the locations and buildings that play a part in how we experience the end of our lives. Kelli Swazey - Life that doesn’t end with death Anthropologist Swazey speaks about the culture of Tana Toraja, where the death of a loved one is a social experience involving celebration and rituals that develop over time. Under such circumstances, death becomes a part of the human story, and it can be considered beautiful.
A man and a woman are sitting at a table with a laptop and a tablet.
30 Jul, 2024
When it comes to planning a funeral, many people have questions about what it entails and how to go about it
More Posts »

More Resources & Support

Share by: