Logo

Should children attend funerals?

The death of a loved one can have a profound impact on a child, and should be handled carefully. For kids who have not yet had to experience funerals or the concept of death, these events can be frightening. There is no “right” age when it comes to allowing your child to attend the funeral or memorial service of a loved one. If you believe that attending would help them to grieve, then it is appropriate to bring them. Here are some tips for helping them through the experience:

Make sure that they will be able to sit respectfully

Many kids are not used to sitting still for long periods of time without a video game, phone or other toys to distract them. This is typically fine at a doctor’s office or even a church service, but may not be acceptable at all funeral services.  If you do bring electronic toys, make sure that their volumes are turned off during the service.

Explain to them what to expect

Funerals are not easy for anyone to deal with, and can be especially stressful for young children who have never experienced them before. To ensure that your child is prepared to handle the experience, give them an idea about what will go on at the funeral. Explain that the occasion is a sad one, and that they may see the people they love crying. Note that this is normal, and that they are free to cry too if they are feeling sad.

Explain to the child how they will need to behave throughout the duration of the service. They will not be able to get up and take a break out in the hall with Mom or Dad if they start to get antsy. Make sure they are prepared to sit quietly for an extended period of time.

Talk with the child about death

For many kids, a funeral is their first experience with death and mortality. This can be unsettling and confusing. Try to explain the ideas and concepts involved simply, in a way that they can understand. The death of a loved one can be used as a way to talk about human biology or spiritual beliefs with your son or daughter, including what happens when you die. You can express your own personal beliefs on these matters, and ask your son or daughter what their thoughts are on the subject. While your child may not fully understand, it is good for them to gain exposure to and understand this part of life.

Be prepared to continue discussing the subject

Funerals can have a significant impact on children. Your child may want to continue talking about the funeral after it is over. If it is clear that they are struggling with the idea of death or the passing of a loved one, spend some time discussing the issues further. You may want to read children’s books on the subject, or take some time to answer lingering questions that they may have. When parents help children navigate this often confusing and scary situation, it makes it much more manageable.

A young girl is sitting on the floor leaning against a wall in a hallway.
03 Sep, 2024
Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, including students. When a student is grieving, the impact can be far-reaching, influencing not only their emotional well-being but also their academic performance, social interactions, and overall sense of security. As educators, it is crucial to recognize the signs of grief and to provide a supportive environment where students can navigate their emotions in a healthy way. Understanding Grief in Students Grief can stem from various sources—loss of a family member, friend, pet, or even the upheaval of a major life change like divorce or relocation. Each student will process grief differently based on their age, personality, and the nature of the loss. Common emotional reactions include sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, and even guilt. Physically, students might experience fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite. Academically, grief can lead to difficulty concentrating, a decline in grades, or a lack of interest in school activities. Grieving students might also exhibit behavioral changes such as withdrawal from social interactions, irritability, or increased dependency on adults. Understanding these varied responses is the first step in providing the appropriate support. Creating a Supportive Classroom Environment Foster Open Communication Encourage students to express their feelings by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or confused and that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they need to. Use age-appropriate language to discuss grief and loss openly, which can help normalize these experiences. Offer Flexibility Grieving students may need time to process their emotions, which can make it challenging to meet deadlines or stay focused on assignments. Provide flexibility with homework, tests, and participation. Offer extensions or alternative assignments that are less demanding. This flexibility can ease the pressure on the student while allowing them to stay engaged in their education at their own pace. Incorporate Grief Resources Introduce grief-related books, activities, or discussions in the classroom that are appropriate for the age group. This can help students who are grieving feel understood and supported. It can also educate their peers about empathy and the impact of loss, fostering a more compassionate classroom community. Be Mindful of Triggers Certain activities, holidays, or topics may act as triggers for grieving students. Be sensitive to these potential triggers and offer alternatives or modifications when necessary. For example, if a class project involves creating a family tree, provide an option that allows the student to participate without causing distress. Encourage Peer Support Encourage students to support their grieving peers in positive ways. This could involve creating a buddy system, where a classmate checks in with the grieving student, or facilitating group activities that promote teamwork and empathy. Peer support can be incredibly powerful in helping students feel less alone in their grief. Maintain Routine with Compassion While it's important to be flexible, maintaining a routine can provide grieving students with a sense of normalcy and stability during a turbulent time. However, this should be balanced with compassion—understanding that the student may need to step away or take breaks when emotions become overwhelming. Grief is a challenging journey for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for students who are still developing emotionally and cognitively. As educators, you play a pivotal role in supporting grieving students by creating a compassionate and flexible environment that acknowledges their pain while encouraging their continued growth. By fostering open communication, offering flexibility, and collaborating with school counselors, you can help grieving students navigate their emotions and find a sense of normalcy in the classroom. Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to cope with loss and continue their educational journey.
19 Aug, 2024
Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.
A man is giving a presentation to a group of people sitting in chairs.
05 Aug, 2024
The subjects of loss and grief are worthy of deep discussion. As thinking, feeling beings, we’re aware of the inevitability of losing something or somebody we love. But internalizing that knowledge and really accepting that grief will be a part of our lives is a challenge. Thinking about the end of our own lives is an even greater challenge. Rather than write about these subjects this week, we’d like to share with you some TED Talk videos that have inspired us to think about death and loss in new ways and begin to understand the necessity of grieving. We hope you find inspiration here, too. Peter Saul - Let’s talk about dying Saul makes a fantastic case for thinking about, discussing, and taking ownership of the end of your life. As an intensive-care doctor who has witnessed the last moments of hundreds of patients, his message urges us to “occupy death,” and make the tough decisions about where and how we want to die. Dr. Geoff Warburton - The Adventure of grief Warburton, a psychologist and author, speaks to the idea that feelings of grief can be embraced as part of the adventure of living. He insists that our deepest, darkest emotions must be felt deeply in order to access the full range of emotions that make life worth living. Amanda Bennett - We need a heroic narrative for death By recounting the story of her husband’s death, Bennett explains how humans can reach a point of unwavering hope – which can also be considered denial – when a loved one is ill. Because death is so often seen as defeat, she makes a case for lifting up death as heroic and reflective of the glory and beauty of life. Alison Killing - There’s a better way to die, and architecture can help “Where we die is a key part of how we die.” Alison Killing approaches the subject of death from a unique perspective, examining the locations and buildings that play a part in how we experience the end of our lives. Kelli Swazey - Life that doesn’t end with death Anthropologist Swazey speaks about the culture of Tana Toraja, where the death of a loved one is a social experience involving celebration and rituals that develop over time. Under such circumstances, death becomes a part of the human story, and it can be considered beautiful.
A man and a woman are sitting at a table with a laptop and a tablet.
30 Jul, 2024
When it comes to planning a funeral, many people have questions about what it entails and how to go about it
More Posts »

More Resources & Support

Share by: